Sunday, July 7, 2013

The importance of respect

If you don't show respect for and loyalty to an Alpha, he will wash his hands of you without thinking twice about it:
Charles Saatchi announces he is to divorce Nigella Lawson.  The multi-millionaire art collector, 70, said he made the “heartbreaking” decision to formally split from his wife of 10 years because she refused to defend his reputation after he was seen grabbing her outside Scott’s restaurant in London.

He told the Mail on Sunday: "I am sorry to announce that Nigella Lawson and I are getting divorced.

"I feel that I have clearly been a disappointment to Nigella during the last year or so, and I am disappointed that she was advised to make no public comment to explain that I abhor violence of any kind against women, and have never abused her physically in any way."

Mr Saatchi is said by the paper not to have spoken to his wife since the pictures were published.
There are a number of Game-related elements to the Saatchi story.  First, one of the bones of contention between the couple was that the husband didn't want this step-son around the house.  While some men are capable of becoming step-fathers, many aren't, which is the source of many horrific crimes against children whose mothers chose poorly, one way or another, when it came to their fathers.

Second, despite being the publicly designated "victim" of the story, Lawson isn't the one who decided to end the marriage. Saatchi, being a master of PR, knew it was necessary to take the wrist-slap from the police, which he did not hesitate to do in order to bring the matter to a speedy close.  But Lawson, instead of doing her part and presenting a united front to the media, was more concerned about how she would look to her female friends and audience if she didn't play the poor abused victim than she was about her husband's reputation.

In short, she made it clear her loyalties did not lie with him, but to her public image.  This is the one thing a woman married to an ALPHA absolutely cannot do.  The ALPHA always knows he has options, and in the absence of the one thing he absolutely demands, respect, he will not hesitate to exercise them.  Once a woman shows herself to be disloyal in some manner, few Alphas are inclined to forgive or forget.

And what is true of Alphas is also true, in lesser amounts, of lower-ranking men. It appears that Lawson miscalculated and didn't realize how important his reputation was to Saatchi.  She is not the first woman to make this sort of mistake and she probably will not be the last.

UPDATE: Yes, as I said, Alpha:
A friend told the Mail: ‘Nigella is absolutely floored and blindsided by the statement. That he would do something like this when there are the children to consider amazes her. Charles is seeing himself and his feelings as the most important part of the equation. It really is stunning behaviour.’

She added: ‘Nigella finds the idea that she didn’t help him over the pictures ludicrous. What was she meant to say? She very nearly had a nervous breakdown with the stress she was under.

‘Nigella was trying to protect him by saying nothing in public. It was so difficult for her because she was hoping all the while that they could reconcile and put it behind them, but he never apologised in private or in public and made very little effort to even talk to her. And then comes this, which just shows you how much he cares about his reputation, rather than her.’

Some suspect that, despite his tribute to his ‘lovely wife’ who is ‘the most wonderful woman in the world’ he might have his eye on a new conquest. That, at least, would explain why he was not at pains to put the marriage back together. True or not, this possibility was much aired over glasses of chilled champagne at last’s week society events, including the Serpentine summer party and the Spectator party. It might explain why Saatchi is taking this woefully public scandal so much in his stride.
Keep in mind that Alpha concerns a man's place in the socio-sexual hierarchy, not morality, behavior deemed socially desirable, or public approval.

62 comments:

Tommy Hass said...

Kind of sad that even in the year of 2013, people can say they "abhor violence of any kind against WOMEN". As if having a vagina and 2 X chromosomes magically makes you less deserving of pain.

I wonder if he would still agree with this if he was castrated by a woman.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Good analysis. Whatever troubles or errors exist in a relationship, loyalty (or its demonstration) is paramount.

Nigella Lawson. I had an enormous crush on her when I was younger, around the time her brother began editing The Spectator.

How everything has changed since then...!

Weouro said...

Even if they don't go blitzkrieg like this guy or Warren Buffet, they may never again trust a woman who does something that unfaithful. Disrespect/disloyalty, one of the worst mistakes a woman can make.

Trust said...

I went to Emerson Eggerich's love and respect conference a few years back. Aside from the amusing fact that lots of women assumed the conference was about showing love and respect to wives, and were shocked that it addressed wives treatment of husbands, Dr. Eggerich's told the group that a woman's lack of acceptance of how important respect is to a man leads them to do much more damage in their marriages than they think they do.

Markku said...

For an alternative perspective, Photo gallery

Brian said...

+1 Markku

I think it's just as likely that there was no "mistake" on her part. He might just be a big bag of dicks she doesn't want to be married to anymore, and his lawyers happened to pull the trigger first.

fc6cedc2-d6a8-11e2-b860-000bcdcb471e said...

Stills don't generally give you the best sense of what really happened, but I have a hard time seeing that as just a tiff. Now, it wouldn't surprise me if the reason he put his hand around her neck like that was moments before she hit him or threw something at him.

I had an ex-girlfriend who I put in a choke hold because she was under the mistaken impression she could (attempt) hit me without consequences. At the time I felt what was nutty is that I had to break up with her.

His Lordship said...

I see there are some doubters in the room.

There is no such thing as Team Man; it is only that, when a man and a woman quarrel, the man is always to be assumed in the right, and it is incumbent upon every man to side with him against her.

Bros before hos, I believe your upstanding young role models are wont to say.

Markku said...

That would be assuming that the witnesses are lying about he choking her four times in total, and she only trying to pacify him. Not impossible, but it would be preposterous to rule out the possibility that he indeed is an abusive husband and she has battered wife syndrome.

Awoman said...

That is not an alpha.
That is an abusive A**hole who doesn't know his boundaries.
She probably had the wrong wine ordered for him.
He "admits to being a control freak."
Sure, there are two sides to every story, but after reading the story in the link provided above, I'd say that Nigella couldn't drum up the moxie to lie to the public and "stand by her husband" when she knows members of the public actually saw him do this to her.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Why are the doubters here so upset?

Women, like the savage races, occasionally require a bit of violence to keep them in line, as a reminder.

Brian said...
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Brian said...

And, maybe I am just ignorant of this fellow's background, but why do we assume he is so Alpha? Because he has money and nice suits? This was the same blog that (perhaps rightly) declared Mitt Romney to be a beta, so clearly there is more of a requirement for Alphahood than that, yes?

Awoman said...

Perhaps she is aware of his history, and perhaps this isn't the first time with her (I don't know this, one can only speculate that if a man is to do this to a woman in public, it is likely that he is quite used to doing it to her in private.
As to his history:
Saatchi & Saatchi the inside story -page 38 Saatchi & Saatchi: The Inside Story - Page 38 - Google BooksResultbooks.google.co.uk/books...Alison Fendley - 1996 - Business & Economics"Charles has got a very violent temper," a Saatchi director says. "In the old days, he would beat Maurice up, physically, in the office. One day he said to Maurice, ... THIS ALONE PROVES SERIAL DV.See how he treated a friend of mine whose life was destroyed by events over several years on Charles Saatchis' art website youtube.com/watch?v... of course there is the story of Pete Waterman the pop impressario of the 80's See this Guardian article from 2005 guardian.co.uk/uk/2... " The court was told Mr Saatchi used "distortion, intimidation and evasion" tactics during a dispute over the use of communal spaces. During a row over the use of a disabled toilet, Mr Saatchi was said to have gone into a "deep rage" and demonstrated how he would grab a company director by the throat." and more here smh.com.au/news/art...the case, the court heard allegations that Saatchi had gone into a deep rage and grabbed a Cadogan company director, Peter Caselton, by the throat in a row over the behaviour of a security guard. In his witness statement Caselton said Saatchi had delivered "a stream of abuse", saying that "so far he had been kind to me but I worked with a crook and he would make sure I would go to bed with him in jail".Another witness, Cadogan director Pete Waterman, said a phone conversation with Saatchi "was simply a diatribe of abuse".

Check out all the latest News, Sport & Celeb gossip at Mirror.co.uk http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/nigella-lawson-photos-see-shocking-1955564#ixzz2YPEoCl6c
Follow us: @DailyMirror on Twitter | DailyMirror on Facebook

Markku said...

But also remember, alpha doesn't necessarily mean a decent human being, let alone a good guy. It is absolutely not incongruous for an alpha to regularly beat you up, and then honestly expect that you should lie for him, and that anything else is disrespect.

Markku said...

If she now responds like Rihanna to Chris Brown, can plz has moar beatings? I love the way it hurts... - then we have an alpha. Otherwise not.

Bernard Brandt said...

I believe (and I also believe that you have mentioned this, VD), that the Second Book of Samuel, Chapter 6, says it all.

For those who wish to read it in the Authorized Version, it may be found here:

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Samuel+6&version=KJV

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

The haters can hate all they want, but Saatchi wins. Alphas gonna alpha.

lol

Let's hope he gets the younger, hotter, model that he deserves.

His Lordship said...

The haters can hate all they want,

You are homosexual, I take it? Few other groups are quick to equate disapproval with hatred.

Let's hope he gets the younger, hotter, model that he deserves.

I do indeed. As your men continue increasingly unreliable, your women will become increasingly dependent upon an ever more oppressive government. The division between you will hasten the collapse of your so-called society, and the ascent of your proper masters.

These days, conquest is but a waiting game.

Markku said...

LBF: Are your initials purely incidental?

Bike Bubba said...

I've personally seen Lawson's behavior--moving out but not pressing charges--among a number of women that I knew from personal observation had been physically abused, and repeatedly so.

Saatchi wins only in that he doesn't face jail time. He loses the love of a beautiful, successful woman, though.

Or, more likely, if I'm reading this correctly, he lost her love years ago, and now it's boiled over.

loveashley.net said...

I believe it was he who disrespected her, and she, the alpha, who washed her hands of him. :)

Awoman said...

Well-said, Ashley!!
Whether she was the Alpha or not, She is DEFINITELY the winner!!
As long as she doesn't "Rihanna" it, she has defnitely "won" by washing her hands of this moron. --The guy who thinks that he "owns" her like property...
Alphas are supposed to take care of their women, not take a hand to them.
Whether he is an alpha or just a plain old spoiled abusive a**hole, a good woman deserves a man who will take care of her.
If a woman disrespects a man, the man should leave her. Not leave a mark on her.
Chris Brown had no excuse, and this old rich loser had no excuse.

Unknown said...

How does being an abusive bully make anyone an alpha?

Stickwick Stapers said...

Alphas are supposed to take care of their women, not take a hand to them.

Non-sequitur. A man's position in the socio-sexual hierarchy no more dictates what his obligations are than does his hair color.

What I find irritating about discussions such as these is the inevitable rallying around the victim wife, as though she bears no responsibility in her choice of husband. Lawson, who was long-time friends with Saatchi and his ex-wife, knew what kind of man he was -- she admitted that he had an explosive temper -- and married him anyway. There is also something suggestive of a mercenary nature, as she latched onto Saatchi rather quickly after the death of her first husband, and there is evidence she was involved with him even before her husband died. None of this is to absolve Saatchi of any wrongdoing if he did indeed physically attack her, but to act as though Lawson is some kind of brave heroine-victim-winner for walking out on the temperamental jerk she deliberately chose for a husband is to overlook her responsibility in all this.

Brz said...

Choking your wife doesn't strike me as being ALPHA; on the contrary, if you need to use coercive force on a person physically weaker than you as a way to assert your point of view, it only shows that you're a very insecure person.

Just sayin'... You can now try to find your personal Rihanna and beat the shit out of her every night to prove yourself that you're a real ALPHA man who ain't taking no shit from any bitch and be happy.

Weouro said...
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Weouro said...

It's the style of the violence some have a problem with. There was a thread a while back in which ass paddling and threats of spanking were generally approved of. Grasping the throat seems more sinister though it isn't necessarily.

Jeff said...

Weouro - When is the last time that somebody died from ass paddling?

Weouro said...

How near to death was Lawson? Like I said it isn't necessarily any more sinister than a spanking would be.

loveashley.net said...

"if you need to use coercive force on a person physically weaker than you as a way to assert your point of view, it only shows that you're a very insecure person."

It's not really as much about insecurity as it is about emotional strength and management. They don't know how to deal with their anger in a productive, healthy way and resort to physical violence. Often it's stemmed from a pattern of violence in the family. He was probably raised in a similar environment growing up and this is the only way he knows to deal with it. It doesn't excuse his behavior though.

Weouro said...

Maybe she was simply hysterical and a little physicality brought her back to herself.

Brz said...

There's an Algerian maxim which says: "if you want to beat your wife and you don't know why, do it anyway, SHE knows why" and they do it a lot, to keep them in check, because they're drunk, because they're making problems or for no reason at all.

God, there's no women more unruly, more hysterical than the Algerian women and Arab women in general, it's like their pussies are permanently on fire.
If men behave like chimps, their wifes will also behave like chimps.

I have no problem with Weouro being a chimp but it would be a great idea if he realizes that no woman will ever do as he tells because he threatens to spank her and tries to "grasp her throat" in a non sinister way instead : if too many people do it, we'll all have to find a reason to spank our hoes and it would be very regretful because spanking is better when we do it for no reasons.

Weouro said...

I wouldnt know being a peaceable mghow, but spanking threats or spankings carried out were effective according to that other thread I mentioned. But you sound alarmed. Does your husband beat you too harshly?

His Lordship said...

How near to death was Lawson? Like I said it isn't necessarily any more sinister than a spanking would be.

Do please enlighten us as to your extensive experience with having your breathing restricted, by all means.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

I could set my Rolex to the regularity with which incidents such as this one bring out the betas and white knights.

lol

Brz said...

Maybe this brilliant insight have been provided by other peaceable mgtow after having wanked in front of some bdsm porn (while going their own way). Going your own way give you the time to think and have some brilliant ideas about how men who haven't gone their own way should behave.

Weouro said...

I wish you elderly homos would troll for jerk off stories elsewhere. This is a nice place.

His Lordship said...

I could set my Rolex to the regularity with which incidents such as this one bring out the betas and white knights.

I wish you elderly homos would troll for jerk off stories elsewhere.


You won't even attempt to answer, instead just reaching for the rabbitty shaming language? How singularly expected. How invariably amusing.

paulmurray said...

I'm - at a loss. These comments give me the impression that this couple did not share a house or a life, that they conducted their marriage by email.

Weouro said...

So you don't like the vacuousness of your comment mirrored?

CarpeOro said...

@loveashley and Awoman

Your both showing signs of reading comprehension. Dislike or agree with his actions, Saatci was acting in a role of power and dominance - that is where the concept of Alpha comes from. Her trying to placate him after he was throttling her does not make her "Alpha". Her being "devastated" by his divorce announcement and crying hardly makes it look like she washed her hands of anything. Yes, you can ignore the part of the comment by the airhead friend "there are children involved" (at 17 and 19 years of age and none the child of both means no kids involved) and note the pertinent point, she was hoping for rapprochement to understand what the real situation is.

loveashley.net said...

Carpe, she was the one who was spotted without her wedding ring and she was the one who moved out before he even made the announcement. He can pretend to play the part of alpha but his true colors show when he's someone that needs to raise her hand at her, that is not behavior of an Alpha.

Stickwick Stapers said...

... that is not behavior of an Alpha.

You don't seem to know what an Alpha actually is.

By the way, between the Old Fogey, Weouro, and a couple others, it's not clear who is speaking to whom, e.g. who the "elderly homos" are, etc.

loveashley.net said...

"You don't seem to know what an Alpha actually is."

I don't know what you see an alpha behavior, but my notion has always been that an alpha man doesn't need to communicate his dominance through physical violence. Physical violence against someone who is supposed to be his lover shows nothing but weakness, a trait that contradicts all the alpha is supposed to be.

Trust said...

@: "I don't know what you see an alpha behavior, but my notion has always been that an alpha man doesn't need to communicate his dominance through physical violence. Physical violence against someone who is supposed to be his lover shows nothing but weakness, a trait that contradicts all the alpha is supposed to be."
___________

Any person on the heirarchy can engage in violence. Alphas are no exception. This "beneath an Alpha" belief is more female wishful thinking than reality. I don't know if an alpha is more or less lonely to be violent, but I know they are more likely to get excused for it by women.

loveashley.net said...

I see. I guess the alpha man/manosphere blogger who explained it to me doesn't know what he's talking about then.

Stickwick Stapers said...

Or quite possibly you simply didn't understand what was explained to you, Ashley. Trust is right on the money when he said that your assessment is more wishful thinking than reality. Alpha isn't defined by what you personally find sexy and/or admirable in a man; it's social and/or sexual dominance, however it manifests.

loveashley.net said...

Well if that's an alpha man, who wants to be one or be with one? Nothing is more undesirable than a man who think he can put his hands on her in this way.

Trust said...

@: loveashley.net said... I see. I guess the alpha man/manosphere blogger who explained it to me doesn't know what he's talking about then.
_________

So an alpha male says his kind is above certain behaviors and it must be true. That's right up there with women who say their kind are above lying about rape.

An alpha boosting his own ego is hardly surprising.

loveashley.net said...

And you are different than this...how? I should believe you over him...why?

Trust said...

@ loveashley.net said... Well if that's an alpha man, who wants to be one or be with one? Nothing is more undesirable than a man who think he can put his hands on her in this way
__________

No one said this behavior was thd behavior of all alphas, only than alphas can be violent.

Weouro said...

Alpha used to be the goal at alphagameplan. There's been a sea change I think ever since that lady who was at MMSL trying to figure out how to deal with a terrible husband wrote to VD for advice.

Trust said...

@loveashley.net said... And you are different than this...how? I should believe you over him...why?
_______

First, that's not a question, it's a dismissal. But I'll attempt an answer anyway.

I'm not saying I'm of a class of people above certain behaviors.

I'm also not saying he is lying. As an alpha he no doubt is knowledegable in many areas. We simply have a difference of opinion. I have no interest in proving him wrong.

But, in the end you will likely take his opinion over mine. Since I'm no alpha, you'll probably believe him simply because you want to.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

By the way, between the Old [sic] Fogey, Weouro, and a couple others, it's not clear who is speaking to whom, e.g. who the "elderly homos" are, etc.

Yes, good point, I noticed it, too. The whiteknights are in a circle jerk and they don't even realise it. lol

I just sit back, smiling, and take another swig of my evening cocktail.

Bike Bubba said...

It's worth noting that if Saatchi had pulled this stunt in Miami instead of in London, he could have been the next Trayvon Martin.

And I would have applauded. Sorry, his behavior isn't "alpha", it's "jackass", and it's not "white knighting" to point out what's really going on. Ms. Lawson is escaping as best she can from a jackass.

Markku said...

And I would have applauded. Sorry, his behavior isn't "alpha", it's "jackass",

False dichotomy. One is about position in the socio-sexual hierarchy, other about morals and principles. Thugs are one class of alphas.

Weouro said...

"False dichotomy. One is about position in the socio-sexual hierarchy, other about morals and principles. Thugs are one class of alphas."

A lot of folks miss that distinction.

"Do please enlighten us as to your extensive experience with having your breathing restricted, by all means."

If she's in any danger then there's a big problem. I don't see danger in those photos, though. I just see corporal assertiveness and damning stills, probably culled for effect from scores of others. Look at the second photo--she's holding his hand.

Weouro said...

And for a clever reporter quote baiting is easy. People will often say whatever you want them to say to be a part of the story.

His Lordship said...

If she's in any danger then there's a big problem. I don't see danger in those photos, though. I just see corporal assertiveness and damning stills, probably culled for effect from scores of others. Look at the second photo--she's holding his hand.

So you admit that you have never been strangled, and therefore do not understand the blind panic that can ensue, regardless of the surrounding circumstances.

...Ah, but I forget. Pointing up any fact that might be favourable to a woman's position in a dispute between her and a man is "white knighting" and therefore to be shamed out of the warren. The point of Manosphere blogs is not to get at all the truth, but to engage in mutual backpatting and "bros befo' hos, dawg, yo".

How peculiar, that the god of lies would have more interest in truth than you, a devotee of this "red pill".

Trust said...

My grandfather once tried to help a woman being strangled, probably in the 70s. He pulled th man off of her and stood between them. She woman took her shoe off, and proceeded to start hitting my grandfather in the back of the head. He said "to hell with you I hope he kills you."

Weouro said...

"So you admit that you have never been strangled, and therefore do not understand the blind panic that can ensue, regardless of the surrounding circumstances."

I don't believe she was being strangled. I think the images were chosen to complement the narrative of a sensationalistic rag, Your Credulousness.


...Ah, but I forget. Pointing up any fact that might be favourable to a woman's position in a dispute between her and a man is "white knighting" and therefore to be shamed out of the warren. The point of Manosphere blogs is not to get at all the truth, but to engage in mutual backpatting and "bros befo' hos, dawg, yo".

How peculiar, that the god of lies would have more interest in truth than you, a devotee of this "red pill".


Do you see the irony in your attempts to shame by accusations of attempts to shame? The only "mutual back patting" in this thread is among the "that ain't alpha!" commenters, and among the "he alpha but he a bastard!" commenters.

I cant recall ever using the terms "white knighting" or "red pill" in any thread anywhere before this moment. I'm hardly a "devotee." You're talking at someone else.


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